Make their day!

Isn't it funny how one person can make or break your day? Classic example this morning: Up super early to feed and dress Emily and get myself looking reasonable for being in public. I have not had to set my alarm in so long, very weird! Anyways I was a tad stressed as with all newborns they don't actually follow any type of schedule and I needed to be in Brunswick for 9am. I had put Emily in the sling before and she HATED it..lots of tears and ended up having to carry her anyway. Well she was an angel this morning, bless her cotton socks :) Fed well, changed without kicking poo all over me and got into the sling like a pro. I could have almost skipped to the tram stop I was so happy. The tram was super packed and glared at anyone who coughed in a metre radius of me. Being the super nerd I am, got there just after 8am..ooops! We had a nice wander around and took a few pics :)

Get to the community centre..knock on the door..no one answers. Maybe I am still to early? Sit and wait. Another mum comes by and I tell her that I have knocked and it looks like no one is there yet. She goes around the corner and its another 5 mins and I realise she hasn't come back..yeah thanks for letting me know that they are open but its a stiff door you have to yank it open and no one will hear you knock in that place. No really, I like waiting in the sun for no apparant reason. I made a promise right there and then I would always look out for new mums, no matter what.

Next debacle :( My lovely Maternal and Child Health Nurse. Totally useless. I mean my dog would have better social skills. I mean somewhere in her brain she must realise the highs and lows of a new mum. She really burst my bubble :( I was on cloud 9..getting the tram was a step closer to my freedom to the outside world. I had a very happy baby, I had managed to get her there on time and no tears! She weighed Emily and she has put on 500g in a week, not enough by the frizzy one's standards. Do I feed her enough? No lady, this nearly 5kg baby survives purely on love and coco pops. Does she have wet nappies? Yes, would you like to see them, there is a week load in our wheely bin. Is she sleeping enough? No, we make her stay up every night to watch jay leno. Of course she sleeps! of course I feed her! I am not out to win the mother of the world award but bloody hell lady, have some common sense. Not all babies will fit into your neat little chart. Emily is Emily.

It was at this moment I could have hugged the bejeezus out of my little girl. She did an almighty wee and explosive poo all over the weighing scales. Emily&Loz:1 the frizzy one:0 It was at this stage she had to admit "well she must be feeding enough to do that"

So to make sure Emily matches her chart, we go back to do it all again next week. But! I will be prepared, I hate it when people catch me off guard. I can be quite naive and have no idea when women turn all catty..its not part of me to fight back! I want to show Emily that you can be confident and not be rude about it.

I find it interesting how one conversation can change a whole day and attitude, how one small over sight can mean a lot to someone. We meet so many people throughout our days, we have no idea on their stories or battles. Instead of being so caught up in our little bubbles, a small gesture to someone could make a world of difference. Make someones day.

*gets off my soap box*

Lauren xo

back on track

Phew! We survived! Yep, Miss Emily has resumed to normal duties :) That was madness! I mean 3 days of a grumpy baby, how do parents do it for longer without going postal? I had to also realise that you can't control everything in a baby's life. Sometimes they cry, sometimes they just need cuddles, sometimes mum just needs to walk away and make herself a very strong coffee.

Also we have discovered her love of noise :) I think 9 months of listening to my music has rubbed off on her. As I type, I have the ipod plugged into the stereo on shuffle and so far not a peep from the nursery. A much different story at night, the poor mite has to endure the riveting BBC world news. I don't care, whatever fluff they are talking about seems to put her into a nice deep sleep.

I am trying to build my confidence in actually leaving the house..*gasp* alone! well with the pram and the truck load of stuff I seem to think she needs for a trip to the supermarket. I am not actually sure what I am scared of... I need to just grow up and do it. What is the worst that can happen? she cries? whoop-de-doo. I think I have read too many sensational stories of women being ridiculed in public for breast feeding..that I just need to get over and I am sure I will deal with it if and when it happens.

So this morning I feel like I have conquered the world! Well I have conquered the: laundry, dishes, made the bed, dressed before midday, Emily changed, fed and dressed. Now I am onto meal planning and the shopping list!

I did have a gushy mum moment though. Emily woke at 8am for a feed, as soon as she saw my face her little eyes lit up and she gave me her best gummy smile. It makes it worth it huh? They say the 1st 6 weeks are the hardest, well I have seen the worst and I'm ready for ever comes next!!

Lauren xo

Questions.

No I am not planning a trip to Majorca..these bags under my eyes are courtesy of the once content baby Emily. Did someone baby-swap me? Where did the content one go? Last night was an "experience" to say the least. Where did my lovely mother instinct go? Why wouldn't she settle? Is she in pain? Hungry? nappy rash? should we try a dummy? Completed with "emily please feed..I'm getting milk everywhere"

She has been unsettled over the last few days, I put it down to Chris not being here and maybe another growth spurt. Maybe she was bored? I have read stories, sang songs, danced, pulled stupid faces. Maybe she was over stimulated? I can't ignore a 2 week old. Then as Chris put it to me, she just needs me. I am the source of cuddles, feeds and maybe a sense of security.

So back to last night. The feeding madness began as usual 7pm, I don't mind as it means she is fuller for longer and I get maybe an hour longer of sleep! Well it didn't stop and she wouldn't settle. My baby bible tells me of the many ways baby feeds..I must of hit jackpot when I got the "barracuda feeder" yes. it hurts. a lot. So forgive me if I started getting a tad narked of by the 6th hour. So when it got to 3am and Chris had already spent 2 hours circling the suburbs in hope that the red one would settle..I was a lost cause. I was tired, emotional and not liking a second of this. So we broke the biggest rule ever. Emily slept with us.

Of course this morning had to be the morning next door was having a garage sale. YIPPEE. Yep woken up by the early risers and slamming car doors. Terrific. More crying (not me this time) and have since managed to put her in her cot, have a blissful shower and eat a massive bowl of muesli.

I guess this is where it all starts. When do we know that we are doing the right thing for our child?

Hear that?

Silence. Pure golden silence. Let me have my smug mum moment. Emily sleeps. Really she does! I mean, I know baby's slept at some point and they can't survive on a diet of No-doze and red bulls..but I keep thinking its some sick joke and she'll spring from the cot with wide eyes yelling "TRICKED YA!!!"

I was worried. Nicknaming her "Ninja" in utero was an early sign that we had a active one on our hands. She is so strong, I keep telling her that 11 day olds should be dribbling on themselves not holding their heads up and kicking better than the socceroos.

We have a routine and the virgo in me loves it :) We feed like crazy from 7pm..get in a few lovely cuddles and off to the cot at 10pm ish..then the 2am feed and then again at 6am! that I am pretty happy about. Even if it is broken sleep..we get it!

I love watching her learn. She has this wide eyes expression that is just trying to absorb as much as she can. She is starting to recognise our faces (poor thing, I look like hell at the 2am feeds) She is starting to play with her toys on her bouncer..don't talk to her about the zebra.

Breastfeeding is hard. Its taking my all not to take the easy option and give her formula. Keeping up with a 4kg baby is painful.. but I know that its just the best option. In the meantime I might head back to my faithful friend: Dr Google. Last time he told me to put cold cabbage leaves on my boobs..now thats just silly.

Chris heads back to the adult world of work tommorrow. I am actually kinda ok with it. It will be hard not having a second set of hands or a second opinion..but I am sure if I remember to feed her and not leave her at the supermarket we'll do fine. I know what I am about to type will send feminists into a spin..I really love my role as "stay at home mum" or whatever is PC to call us these days! I like the washing, the meal planning, the tidying etc. I feel like its what I should be doing..raising our girl. I know its instinct but it all just feels right. I know we will have hard days too where I am ripping out my hair and popping a stamp on her head for a trip to grandma's..until then you will find me breathing in that lovely newborn smell and shopping for cabbage leaves.

Lauren xo

I am woman..hear me ROAR!

Now if you are not a fan of labour stories, I suggest you come back later when I am talking about fluffier stuff like baby burps and cot sheets. I started this blog with the intention of being 100% honest and not holding back. So no apologies from me!

42 weeks. I made it. Just. What a journey, I was over the waiting, I wanted my baby! I really did not want to be induced. It wasn't a part of my fairytale..you know when your waters break and you madly ring hubby. Que the white knuckle ride to the hospital and a few pants and ta-dah she is here! Well I was wrong, terribly wrong! I was booked to be induced on friday morning, by that stage I would have sold a kidney just to have this baby out!

6.45am we wait in admissions at the hospital. What a surreal feeling that within hours we would be parents. I sat and eagerly waited with my well packed labour-bag. Fast forward to 11.30am and no matter how many subliminal messages I sent to Ninja..she stayed put. No spontaneous labour for me :( I was sent to the birthing suite.

It was like being prepped for surgery..knowing full well that you would be awake for the whole ordeal. The midwives on the 1st shift were just lovely, a kiwi lady and a very sweet student. The midwife was suitable impressed with my birth plan..yaaay! They explained to me that as I was being induced I was a "risk" labour and would be monitored by doctors as well. As I had already started to dilate they needed to break my waters and hook me to a drip with oxytoxin to trick my body into having contractions. The nurse mentioned that I would only need one bag of the oxytoxin...liar. I needed 2 :(

The contractions started lovely and controlled. I sat back and thought ppfft what is everyone banging on about? I have had worse period pain! (que evil laughter) was I wrong. The next parts get very hazy and I am very sure that mum and Chris could tell a better version. They slowly turned up the dosage of oxytoxin and boy oh boy did I feel it. At some point I must have asked for the gas...pure gold. It relaxed me enough to get through the what I thought was the worst. Change of shift. Midwife #2 Cusum, my french saviour! and her student. What an amazing woman. She really empowered me and gave me some sort of hope that I could actually do this. I could not get comfortable, the contractions were hitting each other and the pain in back was beyond painful. I was exhausted. Chris held me. Mum kept bringing me water. I kept screaming. Those screams will haunt me forever. The oxytoxin gets turned up another level. There is no way of controlling my contractions. There is no where I am comfortable. I feel like hell.

Shift #3. Enter Netty. Bet she wished she called in sick. Greeted by this screaming banchee on a yoga ball looking less than impressed. No one would tell me how long I had to go. I always remember thinking, let me sleep just 5 mins THEN I could do this. I was hysterical. I was burning up, nothing would relieve the pain, I couldn't talk. Chris did not leave my side. They put a mat for me on the floor and I clung to Chris while mum kept feeding me lollies and water. I started to hyperventilate. The all time scariest moment of my life. I could not see a single thing, voices were muffled and I wouldn't have even been able to tell you my name. Buh-bye gas.

Enter evil doctors. I had been in full blown labour for over 12 hours and had pushed for nearly 2. I was not coping. My little Emily didn't faulter once, her heart beat remained stable. They wanted to use forceps to deliver her. No way, not on my watch! This horrible doctor made me get back on the bed, up in stirrups. Couldn't even wait for a contraction to finish before he did an internal. He kept saying I wasn't pushing hard enough. I wasn't trying hard enough. If I just pushed harder I could have my baby..didn't I want that? Bastard. It brings me to tears just to type that. I was giving my all.

So it was decided that they would give me an episiotomy (cut) a catheter and a local anthestic as Emily had decided that she would like to enter the world sideways. (why not?) and the pushing began again.

1.41am 10/10/09 my world had changed. My daughter was in my arms. Really? I did it? She is here? Chris look, our baby! I did it! We were parents.

Emily Grace Duncombe

9lbs 6oz or 4.25kg

I'm in love.

I knew Chris was a special person, but having him by my side through all this cements that. He is my rock, my protector, my everything. He held me through every contraction, he gave me strength to keep going. I love him more than ever and I am beyond proud that I can call him my husband.

My mum. The most amazing person. My labour was one of the most traumatic events in my life, but you have helped me gain a positive spin on it. I felt so assured knowing you were in the room. I will never forget those weeks, waiting for Ninja.

Love Lauren xo

Overdue

Let me paint you a pretty picture. I am sitting here in a men's 4XL flannelette shirt, very worn in maternity pants and a surly face that would rival any teenager. Add in that my hair has taken on a life of its own and have been graced with the "pregnancy mask" (the lovely hormone that makes your skin go ga-ga and look like your wearing a mask)

So I did make the appt on monday with the ob's. I had high hopes that at 3.40pm on monday I would be smugly holding a newborn contemplating which cute onesie she could wear..not waiting in pregnancy-land. Least they had a recliner..and I had my i-pod. We were lucky enough to be plonked next to the smug mums. "oh this pregnancy has cost me $5000" that kind of helpful stuff.

Finally got hooked up to the machine that monitors ninja's heartbeat and movements, she must have past the test as we moved on to the next one :) Now I have not seen her in scan form since 20 ish weeks. Well I tell you we have ourselves a very active very healthy baby! (and def a girl..we made her check!) She has her umbilical cord all nicely tucked up ready to go, must take after Chris, mine would be used as a pillow/slinky/bungee jump.

So finally 3 hours later..we meet a dr! He is happy with our progress and makes me sign my life away so that at the end of the week they can induce me. So at least I have a day to work towards..that the one fact I am clinging to.

So in the meantime its ground hog day. Pains that get me hopeful..then stop...then start. I go off to bed..only to wake up at 8am bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Ninja, the neighbours have seen enough of my waddling..they would like to see me tucked up indoors wearing sensible clothes again.