Two American dudes talking about god..
Send me all your coffee. I mean, All. Of. It. Send me a vat of your toughest concealer while your at it. Heck, I need more than Photo shop do get these bags out of view. Currently on the hunt for two toothpicks to wedge my eyes open. Tired? Me? Oh no, I'm yawning because Kerrie Anne just isn't on my intellectual level today. Mmph. What was that? Me, up at 2am? Oh okay, you got me. Ninja-of-the-awake-at-2am-variety decided that it was time to pull your hair very hard and then proceed to bop their head on the floor and scream until I think they heard her in Brisbane. We're talking real tears people. Real Tears.
Now. Where to start this story? Where I set the smoke alarms off? Or where took my sorry self back to bed at 10am? How about where I managed to pin my husband down and write a shopping list that didn't require us to eat spag bol for 7 days straight. Not only am I a store-it-in-a-basket QUEEN..I am a meal planner from way back. Drives Chris mental. It's not even 9am and I'm asking him what he wants for dinner next Wednesday. But! I am winning him over..as it saves us money. Mmmph who'd a thought?
So while we discussed whether Fried Rice was a dinner AND a lunch..we managed to get passed the fact our coffee tasted like sweetened dish water. Yeah. Aldi-coffe-fail. So, yes..I am in a house with NO PROPER COFFEE. Isn't that illegal? Anyway..we were meal planning and planning the epic voyage to the supermarket. So far so good. Armed with a shopping list and a baby that refused to sit in her pram we wandered around the aisles of wonderment of Aldi. Gotta love a shop where you can get your frozen peas and a 4WD winch. Piled our trolley up high and patted ourselves on the back for being oh-so-thrifty.
Next stop. Fruit and Veg. Its like a free for all. Elbows out and you may be lucky enough to get a mushroom. If your not quick enough someone steals your spot in the register queue..add to this that every second Nonna stops to talk to me about
Now things go a tad pear shaped. We did the Coles-shuffle and restrained my husband from throttling the slow aisle movers. He also gets severely knarked off when they run out of stock..do not get me started on the poor 15 year old Safeway employee who breaks out into a small sweat when Chris approaches and they have run out of Red Capsicum's. Oh don't you worry, I am threaten to pen a book: Things that really Knark Chris off.
A pretty little picture for you: A 7 month old who is screaming her head off as she wants her afternoon nap. A trolley loaded with
So we finally find my little buzz box..my little Tina Barina. With someone parked 1mm away from my boot. Park pram. Stop trolley from denting snazzy car next to us. Move car. Distract Emily from eating my arm. Empty a trillion bags into my none existant boot space. Gah...need my Aldi Trolley token back..Question my husband's history as he is able to get token back with the use of Tina Barina's keys. Get in car. Emily has hit higher levels. Throws her bottle under the seat. Cars driving so close to my bum, it would have been politer if they bought me dinner first. Oh..did I forget to mention I am a L plater?
Get home. Alive. Excited about my nommy roast chicken roll baking in the oven..along with crispy roasties and an assortment it's good for you..eat it vegies. Decide that Yorkshire Puddings would be a FABULOUS addition to the menu..never mind I have never made them before. I saw it once on a Jamie Oliver show..something about oil having to be really hot. So easy.
So there we were. Opening every window in the house, flinging tea towels under the smoke alarms...both then running to the Ninja Monitor to see whether we had awoken the monster. Nothing. Both breathed a big sigh of relief. So, it was safe to say that the oil was hot enough and in went the batter. Happy to report that it was a Sunday-Roast-Success.
So after the last morsel of chicken was devoured..an attempt at dish washing was made. Heard the familiar gurgles coming from the Ninja-den. Abandon ship! Abort Mission! A ninja is awakening! So we played ice statues until the sounds turned to much sleepier ones. Electric blankets on high..cup of tea's drank and we called it a night. Phew. What did I do with my time before an Emily?
It was dark. Very dark. Too dark for me to even contemplating being awake. The lights had gone into the red on the Ninja Monitor. She means business. Sat on the edge of the bed. Found ugg boots and that stirred the sleeping husband. He followed me into the lounge..2am? He made her up a bottle and I sent him back on his merry little way back to bed. Me? I was determined to win this one. Tried all the tricks..patting...rocking...burping...nada. So there we were..both on the lounge floor and me flicking through the channels to find something that wasn't about god. Or a Mop. Heck, when you are watching Skippy and enjoying it..must mean I am really sleep deprived. Thought it may have been the toothy-pegs..oh no. Much more severe than that. A poo. Yep..so not only was I awake but I was contemplating the need of rubber gloves. Glamorous life.
So. I sit here in my house that smells suspiciously like burnt oil and a baby that is wondering why Mum isn't lifting her head much from the couch. I'm getting all antsy because the floor has reached a new level of fluffiness and don't even get me started on what Chris has done to the mud pit infront of our house. The pile of dishes remain undone, Emily is still in her jarmies entertaining herself with her yellow ball and I'm wishing I had the ability to nap during the day.
I need a break.